ANOTHER TURN

A chill ran through me and I knew immediately I’ve messed up. I didn’t expect Stella in her stupidity and wickedness to ever call her and tell her anything about me.

I wasn’t going to call Stella again so I decided from that day I wouldn’t lie to Chidinma again. The apologies took a day and we were good to go. We lived happily and cautiously till marriage and also now.  Before this escapade of Diana, I’ve only been very close to cheating and I get home to tell her how I fought temptations all the times and I overcame, but now I’ve been defeated. A regret feeling started taking over my mind. I felt like praying to ask God for forgiveness. The spirit was willing but the flesh was so weak. I tried to sleep but the thoughts of Diana and the sweetness of the sex kept coming to my mind again.

Then I knew if I don’t tell my wife when she comes back I might likely do it again. I called Musa to go buy some things and put in the house. The market has always been his specialty which I despised anyways. N4000 will be enough, he said as I counted the money to give him. With smiles on his face I knew he had something from that. Local markets don’t give receipt and if you doubt him you’ll have to go yourself. 

I fell on the couch feeling like a bad guy and feeling dirty. Sleep was about coming when my phone rang. It was my wife and fear gripped me immediately. Shit, someone have told her, she’s around, what could she have heard. Many thoughts skipped my mind as I picked the call her voice was same but a little tired I guess. 

Me: baby what’s up, how are you? 

My wife: I’m fine dear but a lot tired. We just finished today’s conference. I’m just so tired and I’ve not eaten ……….…and the story goes on for a while 

Me: so what time is your flight tomorrow I asked?

My wife: hmmmm I can’t make coming tomorrow. The governor is asking us to stay four extra days for the commissioning. I feel terrible staying here without you baby.

Me: sorry dear, just bear it. It is well. Its better you’re this relevant at your job than being irrelevant. I just sent Musa to the market to buy…………... and I told her the list.

We talked for a while and ended with I love you dear, which you must reply loudly love you too baby. The line was off and I don’t know if I had relief or I was going bored again.  My loneliness is increasing now but I’m happy I have enough time to clear my head of all the problem attached to the incident that happened. I peeped through the window to check if it was Musa that was opening the gate but saw nobody. I thought I heard the gate opened but didn’t see anyone. I put the TV on like I was expecting DSTV to show anything reasonable. Once premiership is over, TV becomes a tool for news.

 I jumped back on my couch when I heard a knock on my door and said the door is open. Turning to tell Musa that he should just put everything inside the fridge because my wife isn’t coming again, I saw Diana. What’s up, I thought I forgot my phone’s case. Hi I said and with a surprise face and an intriguing look I knew I was seeing an angel she moved closer to me and ……….

STILL TURNING TO MY WIFE.

Paul I said fluently and the line went off. I knew I have lied, if it would have consequences I don’t know. We spent less than ten minutes at the restaurant before leaving and once again freedom was attained, let’s play! Our thoughts most times are very wrong. The same naïve girl I saw like an hour ago was going to be the woman I worship for the rest of my life. I got home late and I forgot I had a new girlfriend.

 A phone call from Humphrey brought back the reality. I gave him a gist on what happened earlier today and we both laughed about it. The humor ended with ‘brother, keep this one”. With a nod as if he could see me I said yeah.  I was confused all I needed was rest of mind from the desperate housewives I’ve been dating.  So Chidinma would be the liberator hmmm, let’s see.

In the beginning of every relationship, men tend to be very romantic. Some early signs that may look great also are endless compliments and gifts. I added one more thing lies. I wasn’t so sure I could be truthful to them again. I built everything on lies. I didn’t want any girl to know my person nor build a world that would never exist around me again. The structure was carved out that night after Humphrey’s call.

I had called her to check up on her. Her sister picked up her phone and told me to hold on. She spoke with me like one who knew who I was. She came on with an apology, telling me what she was doing. I jokingly told her how homely she was and how good she managed the day. Told her all the lies about Stella and how she wanted to force herself on me as if I was Dangote. I also told her how I spent all my holidays in cities of my choice (I had an atlas in front of me then) how I prefer Nike to Adidas. The TV series I loved are all foreign. Eba and amala sounded alien to me. I was just this guy who lied like she would never see me again. 

Diligently I finished my lies and the truth was about to jump out of the phone. I hate true confessions because it makes you look like a fool. For everything you’ve hyped, will be reduced. Many a times I say the truth not because lies has expired in me but I hate apologies and answering some questions that don’t count normally. I asked Chidinma if the phone was on speaker and she said no. she was in the room with her two sisters. They were playing also. Their names are Ngozi and Perpetua.

 I told her about my family also. I have two sisters and one brother. The first born is a girl married to a prince and they live in Paris. The second one is in England, she is a doctor. My elder brother manages a resort in Seychelles. I’m the last of the children of my great father.

I heard a beep on my phone, this means your call credit is about to end. I tried rounding up the stories and wish her a good night when she told me there was something she wanted to tell me. I knew tonight wasn’t possible again, told her I’m out of credit and she ended the call.

 In a few seconds my phone was ringing. She said she has credit. Okay I’m all ears. There are three things i despise in people that come close to me she said. Firstly, I hate people who are proud; proud people always get destroyed. Secondly I hate people who are lavish; they will always be in need. Thirdly I hate people who lie; they would have to apologise. I want to believe all those stories you said this night was from Paul, and there is no Paul. 

Good night Jude, Stella called me.

TURNING TO MY WIFE CHIDINMA

It was some years back and I just was done with my service. Met many ladies but wasn’t just down for anyone. The pressure wasn’t there at all to get married. I felt the bachelorhood was going to last forever. One faithful day, I walked into a restaurant and saw a lady sitting alone. Naivety was written all over her face. I felt the champion mode of mine again. Even though I lacked everything; my words are superb. I asked for a seat next to her and placed an order for my meal. She accepted just like that.   

It was alacarte so I knew we had time to talk. I asked for her name and she answered Agatha. What a lovely name I responded as if I could have said otherwise. I added to her orders to prolong our stay. Asked also what her native name was and she said Chidinma. I prefer that I told her and the flow of conversation became perfect. This would be easy for me I thought.

We continued into what do you do and where do you stay. She was studying law and just resumed three hundred level. Politely I took care of the bill and we were about leaving the restaurant when I remembered I was expecting Stella. In plain words Stella is an insult to womanhood. She lacks home training and patience. I have loved to break up a long while ago but the confidence is always lost by her deadly look. I believe she is possessed.

 Truthfully Stella has some good part. An Akwa Ibom indigene with specialty in caring for men; I needed nothing else at first. She feeds all the parts of my body but that wasn’t all, she can disrespect even your mum. She lack caution in some behaviours. She had shouted at me many times and it was time for it to be all over but doing that in front of another girl would mean hell. The door opened and I had to step in front. I hugged Stella and told her to have her seat. I’m coming let me escort my friend

Hehehehehehehe…. Wait, who is this girl? She asked. Must you always do this, can’t you just believe me. I tried to cover up for my new groove not to be spoilt, but her ranting was developing. Chidinma felt the wave thus she moved towards her like Virgin Mary and greeted her. My name is Chidinma and in the coolest voice I’ve ever heard she said I’m Stella. I’m his ex girlfriend. Wasn’t sure what I heard first, I thought she said girl friend but a confirmation of the “ex” sprung happiness within me. Hope you’re not leaving because of me Stella asked and Chidinma said no, she has been here a while. I was now in the middle of two women. One I just met and one I’ll love to meet no more.

Sex is bond they say but in Stella’s case it’s more than a bond. I can imagine what her husband is going through right now. Except he is military he is in deep shit. Lets walk her together she said, I couldn’t reject this particular offer. She held Chidinma’s hand and their gist became deeper than mine. She started her whole story of what she sells right now and how she could do business with school. I tried to contribute a couple of times but her look took the comments back. It took a while to get her a cab and she exchanged numbers with her. An act I’ve not yet done. 

The whole exercise and scopes I’ve dropped inside was about getting wasted. Once more I knew Stella was ruining my day and I won’t forgive her I promised myself. The first cab stopped and the driver looked like a kidnapper so she wasn’t interested. With an inner strength I stepped forward to give her my number and she diligently typed it on her phone. In five seconds my phone rang and I knew it was her. With a wave of acceptance I told her I have it now. 

The second cab just stopped and Stella spoke to the driver in acceptance of dropping her at home. She proceeded to the passenger’s side and Stella brought out money like it was a set up. She paid for her cab as we both waved and turned like we are going back into the restaurant in peace.

She looked at me in horror and smiled with a pat saying “baby it’s over”. I was about responding when my phone rang and it was Chidinma…. Please what should I save your name as?

rejuvenate

Good morning my friends and it’s a new month!

New Year’s resolutions..... many of us make them, and almost as many of us break them. Whether we quietly yield to temptation, brazenly throw resolutions out the window, or simply forget about our well-intended promises to ourselves, New Year’s resolutions tend to fail for one simple reason–a year is a very long time.

The idea behind this monthly resolution is to experiment with your life. Rather than setting vague (what does “be healthier” really mean, anyway?) or potentially unrealistic (if only we had time to go for a walk or run every day) goals at the outset of a new year, the monthly resolution pushes you to set a more specific, measurable goal at the beginning of each month. How much can you save this month? You need to buy a TV. You want to cut down late night food. How much weight can you lose? Sincerely if you can’t succeed in thirty days the year is a fallacy.

Some resolutions will fit seamlessly into your life, enlighten you in some way, or produce such positive results that you’ll want to carry them into the future and make them part of your everyday life. Others you’ll discard the moment the month is done and will fondly remember as self-inflicted torture. In either case, you’ll challenge yourself, find out what’s really important to you, and maybe even grow as a person.

This year has produced some wonderful memories for us to live on and we all have different ways of seeing the resolutions we have played through the year. I would like to say I’m not taking our minds of the series we are reading, the continuation would be out also today, but we need to help ourselves live a healthy life this august. Thus the writings of today is for everyone but titled

RESOLUTIONS FOR A SINGLE LADY

I mean no harm in my analysis you are about to read. There is nothing spiritual about being old and single. Even some ladies choose not to marry but there lays a pride being married not to talk of the companionship you derive from your partner. The essence of this resolution of rejuvenating is to help our single ladies run a better living package to put them not only in physical shape but also mental shape. Prepare yourself for your man; he is also out there preparing himself for you. The following are things we propose you do this month

1        Pray more often: I’m a Christian and I have Muslim friends. I have no atheist as friends, so whoever you serve pray for directions to live a better life this august from the person else you might have to learn from us alone. 

2.       Instead of deprivation, practice moderation: your resolution to keep your shape and body in order should not be for your future man alone. You own your body and whatever it becomes is you. Don’t stop eating fries completely, (how many food do we have in Nigeria). Don’t make resolutions that look like punishment. Tell yourself I’m going to cut back on desserts.' Maybe pick a Saturday to have dessert." The reduction approach is much more realistic than the all-or-nothing technique, which labels foods as "good" or "bad."

3.       Refine your man: so many single ladies are looking for a refined man. A tall dark guy with six packs and six pockets who can do what their father cannot do and they are not the most beautiful girl in the world. I wonder what a careless search that is. When God made Eve, Adam was a crude object. Remember he was made from dust, but Eve was made from ribs. One of the reformation processes of Eve was the introduction of apple. Ladies be a package a guy would make reference to. If you are really planning to settle down that man is the right one.

4.       Stop believing lies: lot of guys choose the month of august to lie to ladies. I’m sorry I can’t tell you the reason(august rush).  But tell yourself one truth today that everything a guy tells you must come with a proof. When Jacob wanted to marry in the bible he was a slave for 12 years in his in-law’s house (don’t try that anyway). The way ladies believe shits bother me. He said he loves me, He tells his dog also. He said he’s always too busy to call or return calls or pick up his phone or send a message…… bullshit. He is not ready for you so quickly move on before you are thirty. Every guy can do anything to have you, same way they can do anything to sustain you 

5.       Don’t be too demanding:  it might be difficult for some of us and for others it might just pass. But this month don’t be too dependent on your man if you have one. And for the guy that is coming your way, don’t see him like an ATM machine. Every guy loves to be on top of his game but they don’t want to be pushed around. Give him time he will fall the MAGA himself you don’t have to force him. 

Resolutions for a single man(tomorrow)