Wolfax Diaries: 2013-12-08

Saturday 14 December 2013

DISTANT RELATIONSHIP

Quest for better living sometimes leave us a little apart from our spouses. The truth lies in the fact that we spoil so many things than build. What is a long distant relationship? The fact that your partner travelled for a month doesn't make it long distant. And the fact he stays in Lagos and you in Abuja doesn't make it long distant. The reality is the time you spend apart. Sometimes bank workers and construction workers keep long distant relationships without knowing it.

There is one thing about being in a relationship and dealing with the normal problems in person, but it’s something else entirely when there is distance between you two. Most of your problems will not occur because of normal boyfriend/girlfriend issues.

The fact that you guys can’t see each other often will prove to be a problem. Most of the time, your arguments will deal with distance rather than real relationship issues. This will prove to be taxing on the mind and it is extra stress that can be avoided by taking this advice and realizing that your long distance relationship isn’t going to work.

The physical part of your relationship matters more than you think. There is lots of information you will not be privy to when in a distant relationship. When you don’t sit on the same couch and you don’t hug him/her. Secondly you spend time lots of people not needed than your spouse. Managers sleep with their ugly secretaries most times because of proximity. A time not spent with your spouse is a time spent with someone else. Distance doesn’t make your heart grow fonder; it makes you forget about your partner. Many people feel that distance helps people grow closer, what they don’t take into account is time. While being in a relationship, being away from each other a month or two may actually be more beneficial to your relationship than hurtful. However, people do not take into consideration that this distance, over a longer period of time, does not work the same way.

Time, coupled with distance, really makes for a difficult situation. Although many may say that distance is bringing you guys closer, it is actually doing the opposite. The longer you stay away, the more likely you are to forget about them; it’s more like the cliché, “out of sight, out of mind.”
As human beings, a normal part of our lives is we have urges every day. The problem is that with a long distance relationship, the separation time always gives you more reason to cheat. It is highly likely that you haven’t had real sex in a while and you are just dying. The temptation is just all around you, especially in times when you are down and need to take a load off. This is one of the biggest reasons why this type of relationship won’t work. There is no need to torture yourself and try to prolong the process. We understand that you guys love each other, but sometimes you just have to know when to cut your losses.

Sandie lives in Lagos and her boyfriend lives in Abuja. They have met on a flight to Abuja when she came to visit her uncle during the Christmas festival. The whole fifty five minutes have been an adventure thus they needed to see when they landed. He picked a cab that took her to her uncle’s place first before going home. He called to tell her he was home and complements were given for being nice and all that. The next morning, Bayo called her again and asked to take her out since she came in for vacations. He was on leave in the office thus he had all the time. From Ceddi plaza to City Park and the Ibiza fish was welcomed in the evening. Play got the best DJ at the moment and it wasn’t long she started feeling comfortable around him.

It was four straight days of extreme fun and a little addition to her wardrobe that she got convinced Bayo was a reality to behold. She willingly opened up her all, to feel the internal part of him. Surprisingly he was sexually better than what she imagined. She got the best she’s ever had and gave in her best too. Bayo was open to a fault and all was good. He wasn’t cheating; he was about to be busy. Sex was made a culture and like two love birds they promised themselves heaven on earth. They spent all the time they could squeeze out together and they were pride to all. It seems they’ve known themselves all through their existence. It was impossible to believe this was a two weeks affair. Nights were now longer and couldn’t wait for mornings to continue the passionate adventure. 31st of December was met in the same church. COZA was cozy for them and afterwards they still stumbled and rumpled the bed as if they were on honeymoon. It was two days to Bayo’s resumption back to work and zenith bank needed all his attention. Sandie would also be going back to Lagos to resume in a courier company with fewer duties. There the problem began.

They couldn’t allow themselves leave. It was easier for Bayo who would be busy attending to customers from 8am till 5pm and then work on the accounts for the day but on Sandie’s part it was unbearable. She wept many nights and saw she couldn’t cope any longer. She was in love but there was a barrier, distance. She was going to break the barrier. Weekends would be her option. Two weeks straight without seeing Bayo wasn’t a possibility she could envisage. But it was happening.
On the other side, Mirabel was just transferred from the Asokoro branch to Bayo’s office. There is a popular belief; if you have sex in your car, you stand to knock your engine. Bayo and Sandie had done couple of times thus the car developed some problems immediately she left. Mirabel was Bayo’s neighbour hence she drops him off at work and back home. They spent time together and she was getting bored of the whole Sandie this and Sandie that. The third week was quite hectic and after Friday work they’ve stopped over to have some drinks and that got Mirabel a lot high. She couldn’t drive so Bayo’s house was to be their destination. They fell on themselves and kissed mistakenly and slept off

The flight was for 7.45am hence she was at the airport by 6am waiting to see her love. It was supposed to be a surprise visit. I’m going to rip him off his clothes and have him till we are both fatigued she thought. The flight was on schedule and she got a cab to take her straight home to her boo. She had bought for him a citizens wristwatch and a new lingerie for the night but to her surprise she opened the door to see Mirabel resting her head on a chest she so cherished. Her legs became weak and slowly she fell and with tears she said

ANOTHER FIVE ESSENTIAL QUALITIES

Don’t fool yourself things would improve after marriage; many people carry a lot of baggage from their relationships into marriage. The expectations would be cut short with extreme misbehaviors and you wonder if you married the same woman. People have this need to change the other person into the type of person they think would be right for them.

Marriage changes everything. Do not fool yourself into thinking that you can change her, or diminish this trait, rather you change for your woman.

Sincerely, relativity comes to play when we talk about a valued practice as great as marriage. Thus this writing is predominantly thinking about an African marriage. What are the traits a lady must possess for her to be the right one. Wolfax diaries went all out again gathering all the information to know the mind of men about settling down with the right person. We filtered the wrongly impressed opinions of some who believe a lady should be a sex tool or others that believe she is a reproductive tool. A woman is more than that. We conclude by saying the following are five essential qualities a lady must possess:

· Commitment: don’t put all your eggs in one basket they say but don’t also spread all your eggs in all baskets. When you get into a relationship; be sure of it so you don’t have to change it all the time. Since marriage is an age affair in Africa and being single at thirty comes with a stigma; lots of women pretend to be someone else just to bear your surname but the truth it doesn't help on the long run. Ladies be sure men look out for commitment in relationship. Don’t be a double minded lady. Stop thinking of Chukwuma and Segun at the same time. Don’t build a relationship that could go either way. When men find out that happened you’ve lost the trust.

· Be loyal and honest: to be truthful; there is gender inequality in Africa. Don’t bea freedom fighter that would change it. Men are a little higher than women in the house. Even the bible teaches us that, thus don’t try to be the man in the house. Lots of ladies expose a scene of independence and that pisses a man off. Colossians 3:18 “women submit yourselves to your husband”. If the bible is the basis of what you are about to go into then why compare yourselves with some other people. A deeper thought showed that a loyal woman is an honest woman. Whoever you are loyal to, you are honest to. Tenderness and softness in your attitude is something which your husband will never tire of .If you talk in a loud voice and behave in a manly manner, it will put him off. If you are utterly feminine in your behavior and have the capacity to boost his ego, then he becomes totally obsessed by you .Today the modern woman overlook this most important characteristic of marriage and go on about equality and women’s right. Many men are ready to share their position with women in the house, but don’t fight for it.

· Be a good maid: cleanliness is next to godliness. A trait you must never overlook is the trait of a maid in the house. If your wife can’t take care of a one bedroom apartment; I promise you she can’t manage a three bedded apartment. Neatness keeps a man at home and makes his mood better. Care is the most important aspect that your husband seeks after marriage. He seeks a mother in you and if you are able to satisfy his yearning of a maternal love, he feels satisfied and secure in his marriage. You should cook his desired dish and you will get reciprocal feedback of pleased love from him. If you cook an indifferent meal, you get an apathetic and resentful silence from him. A man always feels cared for if his wife takes efforts to cook food which appeals to him and feels unloved when he is served an indifferent food. A woman who is a good maid takes charge of his house even when the man thinks he is in charge.

· Stop nagging: you are still in a relationship and he is considering spending the rest of his life with you but all you give in return is a nagging attitude. You keep telling him what he did wrong and you keep repeating it. You should understand that a man never bows for nagging. Nagging and complaining constantly may create an unwanted rift in your relationship. It can also become a vicious cycle forcing him to avoid you. This will definitely complicate the things between you and make them worse. How do you expect him to like you if he feels personally attacked by your nagging? Nagging doesn’t work, so just quit it.

· Share his faith: Marry a girl who shares your belief of God. This is the most fundamental step to consider. I will guarantee you a marriage of growing anxiety and misery if you marry a girl who does not believe in the God you worship. Also, God doesn’t approve either. Even the bible tells us not to be unequally yoked. If you can share things physically; you must be able to share spiritually. Although I’ve seen families grow with the parents having different faiths but I’ve seen more crash in different faiths.

Finally, we believe these are the top five qualities a woman needs posses to pass the test of getting a good husband. Real men see beyond the curves they see the future they are accepting with you. Don’t assume formlessness with your man, be real and be African. If it takes you to kneel down and appeal; I tell you the truth he’ll buy you the Bentley…… don’t ask for too much also.

I think I’ve helped someone understand clearer

Friday 13 December 2013

FIVE ESSENTIAL QUALITIES

FIVE ESSENTIAL QUALITIES

From the creation of the world man had existed. Different era had produced different traits. But in our dispensation we need to know how to handle our relationships so that we have a generation we planned to come. Procreation is a function of a man and a woman. And one of the duties of men is the approach. Although some are so shy they hide under some excuses waiting for the woman to walk up to them ………. I wish I was a lady; you’ll die single. And for those who approach; they might just be lions in sheep clothing.

There are essential qualities one has to look for in a man to know if he could be the one to usher you into the promised land of marriage. Wolfax diaries have done its research and conclusively come to this juncture. The following are our findings:

· Honesty: honesty is a trait so uncommon in the world we live in today. Both men and women live in dishonesty but the guy who says the truth always is the guy who has nothing to hide. There is a popular saying “when you say the truth you don’t have to remember anything” Mark Twain. A man who cannot tell the truth about himself cannot tell it about anyone else. A lying tongue cannot produce an open heart. Be wise when you keep finding out things he once lied about. You might just be in a relationship with who never existed.

· Communication: talk is cheap; a popular saying by mentors who have guided me. Many ladies think communication is talking. There is a need that is attached to those speeches these guys make every day to you. Men can talk for ages with you without a corresponding action to back up those words that fly out of their mouth. Don’t get me too wrong, I don’t mean talking isn’t a tool of communication but in determining as a quality for a lasting relationship/ marriage….. naa Negotiation, Boundaries and Agreement. Some men are storytellers, whatever you say is yes and with their sugar coated mouths they just thrill you into submissions you cannot understand. Any healthy relationship needs a good process for negotiation. Effective negotiation can help both. Part of the negotiations might be exploring each other personal boundaries and determining the boundaries for the relationship. Establish the no go areas in the relationship. Using the skills of negotiation to discuss boundaries and rules in a relationship can lead to a relationship agreement. This may sound too clinical and unromantic but clear rules and boundaries are a good foundation for a healthy and happy relationship.

· Respect: many ladies just get the concept wrong. How does a man respect you? And one said when he gives me breakfast in bed. No, far from it, that’s been romantic. When a man understands your worth; he respects you. The value a man plays with around you is the worth attached to you. A man that respects you can’t stand you being disrespected. When your supposed boyfriend seems not to be confident of you in the presence of his friends then respect is missing. A man that shouts at you irrespective of where you are is far from respecting you. When your opinions seems like nonsense to him, then you need to flip the pages. Although it’s believed respect is earned but at what price must you pay before you earn it. Don’t start what you would regret. It’s better to be single than be in a relationship that lacks esteem.

· Unconditional love: looks disappear but love doesn't. he might be attracted to your beautiful face and sexy body but I tell you; it doesn't last forever. A man worthy of settling down with should be a man who loves you without reasons. He must have the ability to forgive even what you’ve not done wrong. Affections without limitations is a trait needed in a man to permit him into your life. He must see you beyond a sex partner and know you are more than a friend. it doesn't happen all at once but a man that chooses to set his mind on that would be known from the beginning.

· God fearing: the word God fearing doesn't mean you shake when you see God. It means you put God in front of everything in your life. A man who loves you more than God is not the right person. He invites you over on a Saturday and gets you drunk thus you miss worship on Sunday, and he doesn't feel anything. He complains about prayers and doesn't consider morals. Then don’t get into it. A man you must marry must respect God and keep His commandments. I think should know better.

I think I might be doing someone good when you read this and pass it across to your friends also. The tricks are much but we’ve summarized it. But there is a question I’ll love to ask. Does any young man posses all these truly?

TO OUR FANS

Wolfax diaries collection of short stories will soon be out. We have been working on it for a while now. We need you to have copies of our writing in your homes thus you can enjoy our stories better. With this no internet is needed and batteries don’t have to run down. All complete and incomplete stories would be published for your satisfaction. I promise you one free copy. Cheers

Wednesday 11 December 2013

BUNNIES BY MARY ANNE ALABI

MARY ANNE ALABI

There was a garden called Eden, a garden of the Lord. Here lives Adam and Eve in the olden days. A period there was no civilization. A period with no electricity and machines; a period with no perfume or aftershave, a period with no FASHION TV or E channel; it was a blind period. This period witnessed a transformation; a revelation, and the call for covering were made after she ate the apple.

Clothes are more than coverings, they are cultural. From the Baro’t Saya styles of the Philippines, to the hakama and yukata of the Japanese, the feathered headgears and kaftan of the Egyptians, to the buba and soro of the Yoruba, babbanriga and jalabia of the Hausa, the Twarb of the Arabs, the bead coverings of the Binis, one would see that clothing are more than just what we wear, they really determine who we are.

The transformation to the modern fashion world of sophisticated clothing, where machines cut to precision, and machines sow instead of hands has not changed much of the cultural importance of clothing. One other component that is pertinent is fashion.

There are combinations and styles that play well in the sights of people. When we mix wrongly; it becomes a sour to the eyes. Thus we need thread carefully while putting those clothes on to match the appearance imagined.

Here is Mary Anne Alabi…… a woman who has dedicated her entirety to the fashion world. She is a wardrobe consultant of our time, and an icon in the world of fashion. A stylist of high reputation determined to change the cultural loss of identity the world is gaining through the misuse of materials culled into fashion. From the tip of your hair to your foot, she is pleased to develop the reality you’ve never imagined.

In her just concluded research on the culture of hair and coverings she had discovered that your hair needs so much attention. From berets, to the square caps, hair nets, hats, bowler hats, Monmouth cap, sailors cap, shower cap, Rasta cap … to mention a few she had concluded that in our society of today the Mary Anne Bunnies would be the best. A package that leaves your hair to float, under your control. A palatial feel of old introduced into the world of fashion today. It’s great what a woman of her status could harvest from the deepest mixtures of her thought.