SARAH AND TIMI

Dear Timi,

            Today marks exactly 12 years we have been dating. I don’t want any of those fake promises from you any longer that’s the reason I’m sending this letter ahead before I see you. I’m not getting any younger and you know it. The styles that used to fascinate you now cause me muscle pull. Baby I still love you like the first day but I need to write this apology for settlement before I reach menopause. My fecundity level has reduced drastically and you know it would be unfair for any man apart from you to pay my bride price. You have used the part of me that is useful thus I can’t be handed over to another man apart from you. 13 abortions in 12 years and here we are still deliberating on a future we’re practically living to me.

What else can a woman ask for from a man who has seen the best of you? Let us get married. If all you need is to still be sleeping around …… sleep. What are you really doing awake.

Last two years was when I really missed it. Money could not be used as an excuse because we ended the year with millions in our account. But the trip from Calabar to la champagne Tropicana and Abuja blinded reality from my sight and as soon as January came knocking we started the busy schedule again. Now I’m 36 with three younger sisters all married. All these are no story to you because your younger brother also just celebrated his fourth year wedding anniversary. Timi why? Please help take this shame away from me. I’m tired of people calling me auntie and laughing at me behind the scene.

If 2014 would not work please let me know. I have some churches in mind: COZA, House on the Rock, Family Worship and if all these churches don’t work CHRIST EMBASSY is the venue. Please I need your reply when I see you.

SARAH,

            Don’t waste your time coming over as I have decided you will not be part of my 2014. You have been the reason I haven’t been married since. Now I’m 39 and the world seem to believe I’m the bad person. First four years of our relationship were your years of runs. You supported our relationship so well like you didn’t know it was wrong to sleep with all those old men. 13 abortions and now you are blaming me. Sarah, if I was your elder brother; would you advise me to marry you? As you know, there is no nutrient remaining in you any longer. If not for Christianity I wouldn’t be talking with you any longer. A dark and lovely lady that I met at a cross over night twelve years ago has now bleached so well that she is brighter than her future. Those ladies that laugh at you also laugh at me.

I have tried looking into my future but sincerely you are not there. My new resolution is not to talk to you again and I’ve committed you into the hands of the lord.

It shall be well with you in 2014 and as you have decided to be a church goer; may you locate the right man in any of those churches you have picked in Jesus name. Stay off the pastors anyway and throw all those bottles you collected from baba away. It’s good you realised early though before you turned forty because by then it will be too late. Take care and God bless.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS CHRIST

Many of us have gotten it wrong. Today is not my birthday. It’s really Jesus’ birthday in remembrance, thus we are not expected to do anything outside the context of the celebrant. I spoke with Him on behalf of all our friends at Wolfax diaries and this was the simple message. 

Tell them I still love them as much as I loved them from the beginning. Tell them I bring good tidings into their lives whenever they turn to me, tell them I’ll never leave nor forsake them, tell them I gave myself up so that we might live forever. Tell them it might look just like a child was born but in reality a SON was given. A SON that remove burdens, and destroy yokes. The reason for the season. Christ is inviting you to His banquet and I guess you won’t say no.

Just for a minute think of it; how creator entered into his creation, born in a manger, beaten and stripped by an earthly army. He did all that for us to have life and have it abundantly. He wants to have full control over you and yours. Harden not your heart. The rice and chicken are not the reason but Christ …….. 

“Want to keep Christ in Christmas? Feed the hungry, clothe the naked, forgive the guilty, welcome the unwanted, care for the ill, love your enemies, and do unto others as you would have done unto you”… Steve Maraboli

Wolfax diaries wish you a Merry Christmas and pray that the joy of this season be full in your heart and mind in Jesus name. Stay blessed and connected. We love you

AN OPEN LETTER TO SARAH BELLS

I am constrained to write this letter to you because I feel a little less of the feelings I used to feel for you before. I am a man willing to leave and I know you are a woman of options. The last eight months has been mixed with feelings of heaven on earth and on the other hand hell on earth. A blessing in disguise I thought until I discovered it a curse in its fullness. I have never done this before but for you I’ll break all rules. You are a scar on my mind. Never will I forgive nor forget you. A shame I can’t wipe off and an infamy I will remember till adulthood. If I was wrong in all these I would have been lenient and understanding, but in all truth I wish you never existed in my life. 

Sarah Bells a name I would never forget. A lady not just like any other lady. You are an experience and adventure that characterized my entirety for a period of 240 days. A joy I can’t explain; a fulfillment in wrongs, and a mistake I wished I could make again. The gains seem much but realizing what I’ve lost I know the episode of you in my life cannot be one I wanted again. I wished to always be with you; I dream of you many times but I sincerely don’t know if I can be sane around you again. 

Two reasons I would give you to present this chapter of writing to you. Firstly infidelity: I remembered how we met. It was on my birthday and I was trying to put things together for a house party. Daddy and mummy had left the country two days before and I was mixing my birthday with the Christmas fun. Friends trooped in from a.m. to assist in the preparation. I was so stressed in making sure everything went on well but your entrance with Burut changed the whole affair. You were a birthday gift delivered to my life and a beauty to behold. 

 

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Hi, my name is Francis and it’s my birthday. You smiled and replied I’m Sarah and the conversation continued until you agreed you’ll come back with Burut that evening. You were glamorous in that attire and I can’t forget the goodnight kiss you gave to me just before you left. The memories of gifts from you cannot be undermined. In all things the first one month had been the best period I’ve lived in. I would also love to remind you of those periods we were tied within erotic feelings; naked inside my room. Promising ourselves heaven on earth and nurturing the responses we had connecting us. I remembered you promising not to ever leave or cheat on me. Sarah you were all and all was good but……

John was a supposed family friend; you people grew up together and suddenly he was doing all I could do to you also. That wasn’t so painful as much as I still respecting him because he was like an elder brother to my girlfriend. Tony was a classmate. He was the best in the class. He plays the keyboard for his church and he really doesn't dress well. You still were sex mates Paul was my cousin and a brother. You travelled seven hours to feel what he kept underneath.  I don’t want to believe you fall a victim to seven different close allies called friends and brothers in a span of eight months. I believe you felt how well I loved you and your wickedness was just about all you could expand into our relationship. 

Going further into all the days you held me into fasting and prayer till 6pm in the name of love and we building our relationship for the future. Posterity cannot forgive you even if I wish to. Sarah dear; the way my mum calls you with a tone of a caring mother in law revealing her love to a daughter in law in line. We never knew there was nobody like Sarah Bells. I cannot forget the first day we made love, it was interested I could taste it in my mouth. A conviction you were my wife ordained from above needed no predictions. I knew it already and nothing was going to change that. 

The change came when people started telling me tales of your escapades in the same town we lived in. I didn’t believe them because you didn’t want me to. It was the sixth month and you packaged a means of me loosing my friends. One after the other I chased them. It was I alone in your world. It was easier for you to maneuver me. I couldn’t think you were a devilish spirit because you loved church. But it was the revelation that you were sleeping with the senior pastor and choir master that made me know the devil is part of this. Your pyrrhic victory on the ashes of men you’ve stepped would only be short lived. 

All I have written is for you to know I lived with you in one love this whole eight months of our relationship. I didn’t cheat on you and never intended to cheat on you. All I ever wanted is with you but……

Now I’m done with you. It’s the third day I've  made up my mind  and it seems you don’t exist to me. I tried to decipher a solution but it wasn’t possible. I have tolerated all these irregularities and incoherence as long as I could, because I love you so much, and because I am so sorry for things in your life that are tricky & exhausting, I think it’s best I leave. I still have a conviction though that despite all you’ve done to me; there is a part of you that is good 

Sarah, I have passed the phase of being thrilled, panicky, defenseless, startled, persuaded or bought. I am never afraid to disagree again but it will always be on principles, and if on love, in the both interests. After my eight month experience in the confined foolishness of a specie called SARAH, there is nothing worse for me anymore. I have made up my mind and that’s it.

DISTANT RELATIONSHIP

Quest for better living sometimes leave us a little apart from our spouses. The truth lies in the fact that we spoil so many things than build. What is a long distant relationship? The fact that your partner travelled for a month doesn't make it long distant. And the fact he stays in Lagos and you in Abuja doesn't make it long distant. The reality is the time you spend apart. Sometimes bank workers and construction workers keep long distant relationships without knowing it.

There is one thing about being in a relationship and dealing with the normal problems in person, but it’s something else entirely when there is distance between you two. Most of your problems will not occur because of normal boyfriend/girlfriend issues.

The fact that you guys can’t see each other often will prove to be a problem. Most of the time, your arguments will deal with distance rather than real relationship issues. This will prove to be taxing on the mind and it is extra stress that can be avoided by taking this advice and realizing that your long distance relationship isn’t going to work.

The physical part of your relationship matters more than you think. There is lots of information you will not be privy to when in a distant relationship. When you don’t sit on the same couch and you don’t hug him/her. Secondly you spend time lots of people not needed than your spouse. Managers sleep with their ugly secretaries most times because of proximity. A time not spent with your spouse is a time spent with someone else. Distance doesn’t make your heart grow fonder; it makes you forget about your partner. Many people feel that distance helps people grow closer, what they don’t take into account is time. While being in a relationship, being away from each other a month or two may actually be more beneficial to your relationship than hurtful. However, people do not take into consideration that this distance, over a longer period of time, does not work the same way.

Time, coupled with distance, really makes for a difficult situation. Although many may say that distance is bringing you guys closer, it is actually doing the opposite. The longer you stay away, the more likely you are to forget about them; it’s more like the cliché, “out of sight, out of mind.”
As human beings, a normal part of our lives is we have urges every day. The problem is that with a long distance relationship, the separation time always gives you more reason to cheat. It is highly likely that you haven’t had real sex in a while and you are just dying. The temptation is just all around you, especially in times when you are down and need to take a load off. This is one of the biggest reasons why this type of relationship won’t work. There is no need to torture yourself and try to prolong the process. We understand that you guys love each other, but sometimes you just have to know when to cut your losses.

Sandie lives in Lagos and her boyfriend lives in Abuja. They have met on a flight to Abuja when she came to visit her uncle during the Christmas festival. The whole fifty five minutes have been an adventure thus they needed to see when they landed. He picked a cab that took her to her uncle’s place first before going home. He called to tell her he was home and complements were given for being nice and all that. The next morning, Bayo called her again and asked to take her out since she came in for vacations. He was on leave in the office thus he had all the time. From Ceddi plaza to City Park and the Ibiza fish was welcomed in the evening. Play got the best DJ at the moment and it wasn’t long she started feeling comfortable around him.

It was four straight days of extreme fun and a little addition to her wardrobe that she got convinced Bayo was a reality to behold. She willingly opened up her all, to feel the internal part of him. Surprisingly he was sexually better than what she imagined. She got the best she’s ever had and gave in her best too. Bayo was open to a fault and all was good. He wasn’t cheating; he was about to be busy. Sex was made a culture and like two love birds they promised themselves heaven on earth. They spent all the time they could squeeze out together and they were pride to all. It seems they’ve known themselves all through their existence. It was impossible to believe this was a two weeks affair. Nights were now longer and couldn’t wait for mornings to continue the passionate adventure. 31st of December was met in the same church. COZA was cozy for them and afterwards they still stumbled and rumpled the bed as if they were on honeymoon. It was two days to Bayo’s resumption back to work and zenith bank needed all his attention. Sandie would also be going back to Lagos to resume in a courier company with fewer duties. There the problem began.

They couldn’t allow themselves leave. It was easier for Bayo who would be busy attending to customers from 8am till 5pm and then work on the accounts for the day but on Sandie’s part it was unbearable. She wept many nights and saw she couldn’t cope any longer. She was in love but there was a barrier, distance. She was going to break the barrier. Weekends would be her option. Two weeks straight without seeing Bayo wasn’t a possibility she could envisage. But it was happening.
On the other side, Mirabel was just transferred from the Asokoro branch to Bayo’s office. There is a popular belief; if you have sex in your car, you stand to knock your engine. Bayo and Sandie had done couple of times thus the car developed some problems immediately she left. Mirabel was Bayo’s neighbour hence she drops him off at work and back home. They spent time together and she was getting bored of the whole Sandie this and Sandie that. The third week was quite hectic and after Friday work they’ve stopped over to have some drinks and that got Mirabel a lot high. She couldn’t drive so Bayo’s house was to be their destination. They fell on themselves and kissed mistakenly and slept off

The flight was for 7.45am hence she was at the airport by 6am waiting to see her love. It was supposed to be a surprise visit. I’m going to rip him off his clothes and have him till we are both fatigued she thought. The flight was on schedule and she got a cab to take her straight home to her boo. She had bought for him a citizens wristwatch and a new lingerie for the night but to her surprise she opened the door to see Mirabel resting her head on a chest she so cherished. Her legs became weak and slowly she fell and with tears she said

ANOTHER FIVE ESSENTIAL QUALITIES

Don’t fool yourself things would improve after marriage; many people carry a lot of baggage from their relationships into marriage. The expectations would be cut short with extreme misbehaviors and you wonder if you married the same woman. People have this need to change the other person into the type of person they think would be right for them.

Marriage changes everything. Do not fool yourself into thinking that you can change her, or diminish this trait, rather you change for your woman. 

Sincerely, relativity comes to play when we talk about a valued practice as great as marriage. Thus this writing is predominantly thinking about an African marriage. What are the traits a lady must possess for her to be the right one. Wolfax diaries went all out again gathering all the information to know the mind of men about settling down with the right person. We filtered the wrongly impressed opinions of some who believe a lady should be a sex tool or others that believe she is a reproductive tool. A woman is more than that. We conclude by saying the following are five essential qualities a lady must possess:

·         Commitment: don’t put all your eggs in one basket they say but don’t also spread all your eggs in all baskets. When you get into a relationship; be sure of it so you don’t have to change it all the time. Since marriage is an age affair in Africa and being single at thirty comes with a stigma; lots of women pretend to be someone else just to bear your surname but the truth it doesn't help on the long run. Ladies be sure men look out for commitment in relationship. Don’t be a double minded lady. Stop thinking of Chukwuma and Segun at the same time. Don’t build a relationship that could go either way. When men find out that happened you’ve lost the trust. 

·         Be loyal and honest: to be truthful; there is gender inequality in Africa. Don’t bea freedom fighter that would change it. Men are a little higher than women in the house. Even the bible teaches us that, thus don’t try to be the man in the house. Lots of ladies expose a scene of independence and that pisses a man off. Colossians 3:18 “women submit yourselves to your husband”. If the bible is the basis of what you are about to go into then why compare yourselves with some other people. A deeper thought showed that a loyal woman is an honest woman. Whoever you are loyal to, you are honest to. Tenderness and softness in your attitude is something which your husband will never tire of .If you talk in a loud voice and behave in a manly manner, it will put him off. If you are utterly feminine in your behavior and have the capacity to boost his ego, then he becomes totally obsessed by you .Today the modern woman overlook this most important characteristic of marriage and go on about equality and women’s right. Many men are ready to share their position with women in the house, but don’t fight for it. 

·         Be a good maid: cleanliness is next to godliness. A trait you must never overlook is the trait of a maid in the house. If your wife can’t take care of a one bedroom apartment; I promise you she can’t manage a three bedded apartment. Neatness keeps a man at home and makes his mood better. Care is the most important aspect that your husband seeks after marriage. He seeks a mother in you and if you are able to satisfy his yearning of a maternal love, he feels satisfied and secure in his marriage. You should cook his desired dish and you will get reciprocal feedback of pleased love from him. If you cook an indifferent meal, you get an apathetic and resentful silence from him. A man always feels cared for if his wife takes efforts to cook food which appeals to him and feels unloved when he is served an indifferent food. A woman who is a good maid takes charge of his house even when the man thinks he is in charge.

·         Stop nagging: you are still in a relationship and he is considering spending the rest of his life with you but all you give in return is a nagging attitude. You keep telling him what he did wrong and you keep repeating it. You should understand that a man never bows for nagging. Nagging and complaining constantly may create an unwanted rift in your relationship. It can also become a vicious cycle forcing him to avoid you. This will definitely complicate the things between you and make them worse. How do you expect him to like you if he feels personally attacked by your nagging? Nagging doesn’t work, so just quit it.

·         Share his faith: Marry a girl who shares your belief of God. This is the most fundamental step to consider. I will guarantee you a marriage of growing anxiety and misery if you marry a girl who does not believe in the God you worship. Also, God doesn’t approve either. Even the bible tells us not to be unequally yoked. If you can share things physically; you must be able to share spiritually. Although I’ve seen families grow with the parents having different faiths but I’ve seen more crash in different faiths. 

Finally, we believe these are the top five qualities a woman needs posses to pass the test of getting a good husband. Real men see beyond the curves they see the future they are accepting with you. Don’t assume formlessness with your man, be real and be African. If it takes you to kneel down and appeal; I tell you the truth he’ll buy you the Bentley…… don’t ask for too much also.

I think I’ve helped someone understand clearer