MY CHURCH EXPERIENCE

It all started in church when Pastor Jerry said look at your neighbour from head to toe and tell them how wonderful they are. Beside me is a wonderfully made sister in the Lord. It seems the material she used in making the dress wasn’t enough, thus it was very short and tight. The protrusion from the chest region, the hips region and the back region is something of concern. I could not rush the look from head to toe. Looking at the chest alone took almost a minute and I needed to do a cross examination so that I won’t give a wrong report. The concentration was becoming embarrassing but Nkechi was just laughing like she expected it.  It was easy for me managing the hips; it was the back side that took me off guard. Sincerely I haven’t seen that before. It looked as if it was a mistake. This ass must be meant for someone else. Where did you get this from? All these roamed through my head and mind and now it was time to tell how wonderful she is. 

I’m Dami and my first experience at Salvation of the Saints International Ministry was one I must share. From the gate to the entrance of the church building, we were treated like Eddie Murphy in coming to America. Welcoming me with roses looked like a movie. There was this guy beside me, whose shoes need a lot of renovation. When he saw the service rendered; I know he felt it also that his shoes were not meant for that rug. The bulletin was free and the lovely ladies ushered me to the right side. It seems it was a church where two guys are not allowed to sit beside themselves. 

The ambience was great and all the protocols and ushers look like zenith bank ladies (Maitama branch). Even the guys were on point. All in suits and smiling like it’s not the same house rent we all pay in Abuja. I was really surprised and impressed at the packaging and I knew at that point that where you worship God matters. It was easier for prayers to go up here that all those under tree ministry. It took less than twenty minutes for the four thousand seat auditorium to get filled and the next shocker came, when the assistant Pastor came on stage to round off the exaltation. Open your bible to the book of Matthew chapter five verse twenty four. Everybody brought out Ipad and Samsung tabs. Ehhhh I was surprised when I started struggling with my 1000 pages old and New Testament NIV bible. It was easier for them to even change to message translation and amplified version but I looked on the screen to avoid the embarrassment. 

It was at this moment I started calculating how to get myself one before next Sunday. It was the choir’s ministration that sent chills through my body. They were very good that I felt heavenly and suddenly I started feeling like going to the toilet. I felt that unusual rumple in my tummy and I knew it was the effect of beans. A bad meal for breakfast when you will be exposed to the public. I struggled with an internal pull until it came out as a fart. The mix of perfumes wouldn’t make it smell though, thus I delivered in a gaseous state till I felt some relief. 

The Pastor’s entrance was like Chelsea scoring at the ninetieth minute. Everyone just started standing up thus I followed suit. Then the looks and prophecy’s started. I was first confused how a young boy like that would be a Pastor. He was so handsome that he would be a temptation to single ladies. It was when we celebrated mama that I knew where the inspiration comes from. My attention was drawn to the congregation again when he prophesied that “this week would be a week of location” and the ladies screamed amen. He went further by saying “your husband would locate you this week in Jesus name” and even prostitutes shouted amen. 

Then we started looking at our neighbour and then the problem started. That small start led me to this police cell I’m writing this story from.

Stay connected as Wolfax diaries would give you a detailed encounter of Dami Kulojy in church and further experience with an honourable’s girlfriend