JUST A FRIEND?

I wish life was a soap opera. I wish I could rewrite that day I met Temi. I wish I didn't go for that party where we first met, so he wouldn't have met a year later. I wish I didn't have a heart also. I wish! I wish! I wish! I can only wish cause it has happened, and the past cannot be undone, but the future can be somewhat planned. I was involved in some real relationships issues then, but I knew on a standard note I was beautiful.

I’m a good looking, sexy, honest, crazy companion, adventurous, funny, troublesome and stubborn woman. My hour glass shape is one that entices men like mosquitoes to human blood. I was raised to be a good woman, wife and mother. I have my flaws no doubt, but I know I'll make a good wife, even those around me say so.

We didn't say much but we took a picture which I held closely and never lost. But that was it till a year later when he came for a mutual friend's wedding. Temi is my brother's friend! Yes! He's a friend of my brother. My brother may be over protective but he certainly cannot marry me. He just needs to be sure am in safe hands. Men know what they do thus they know how to protect their sisters.

I still remember his words to me, as he sweetly dragged my hand inside the reception hall from the car park: "I only came here because of you". And he told my brother: "Dele, I no fit hurt your sister." I was flattered. It had been a year of boring and sad singlehood and none had made my heart pump but those words (simple, plain and general) pumped my heart, and woke all the dead sensual nerves in me. At that instant I knew I was ready for Love again. He was very single, so was I and the expected is a relationship, that will either lead to marriage or not.

ADD PEKO:23C06178 SINGLE AND RICH

When it comes to relationships, I see myself as unfortunate because my longest so far is a year and I end it most times but it was because I met the wrong guys. Trust me, am not into tall dark slim sexy guys. I date guys not for physical but inner qualities. But Temi not just had the looks and body but he possessed the inner qualities I desired in a man. "A one man one woman guy". I just fell flat for him like fake beer.
That day changed my life forever. We exchanged numbers before exchanging Blackberry pins. Communication was 15/10, we spoke round the clock. Asides our regular never ending chats, there were calls at intervals to hear my voice or me hear his. We became BEST FRIENDS.

We pranked, joked, played and got serious when necessary. We talked about EVERYTHING anyone could ever think of. And saw regularly. I knew I was in like (Love is a strong word) and it was obvious he liked me but what was holding him back? We're 2 different people, while I love taking risk, he didn't. I’m very adventurous while he's a bit uptight. He possessed qualities I desired in a man except the stingy quality. Though he sees himself differently but I don't like stingy people. Here I was extremely ready to accept him that way. Not like anyone is perfect.

After a couple of months, we started this crazy game: TRUTH or DARE. We sent crazy nasty pictures back and forth, talked naughty but never had or did anything naughty. For two uptight and disciplined people, I think we did well. We went all out together. But it wasn't a daily or weekly thing. I did it just because I liked him so much, and wanted him to see if I won't just be good as a mum or cook, but will be good sexually.
Several months passed by and no relationship talks. It dawned on me there will never be so I started withdrawing. But he wouldn't let me go. He kept calling, texting and all. I was too in to come out. I tried talking about him to kill the likeness which used to work for me but this time it didn't. I remember very well a day I decided not to pick his calls, he called me almost 10 times, sent several BBM messages and text messages till I picked. It was a test to know if he'll keep calling or not. He passed it. I did the test again and he passed it. He got me. I must admit which was unusual.

After months of no relationship, and shutting out other wonderful men because my heart was shut to them. I decided to express my feelings so he'll know how glued I was, and to know how fast I needed to unglue myself or start something. I told him how much I liked him, and how he clouded my thought from thinking and considering other men. Then I heard the shocker of my life. I still remember those words: "Wow… I SEE U AS MY SISTER... Our friendship is platonic.... I didn't know I made you think this way.... When did this feeling start?..." I certainly felt like entering the ground and felt most foolish and senseless but I got over it because I knew it was a risk and was open to any result.

In my head was "Does your sister or platonic friend or your Christian sister send you naughty arousing pictures or talk nasty with you? Does she turn you on?" Some men are just selfish.

It was obvious "he didn't/doesn't know what he wants." And "he is not interested in me." But why string me along and not cut me loose?

I gave him space, tried meeting other guys but was aborted as my heart had been stolen by Temi. Oh Temi! I thought he really was mine! I stopped contacting him. Humiliation is terrible. I just let him be. But he called once a while to say "Hi". By this time our friendship had soured and I just answered to not be bitter and kill myself internally.

I went ahead to date my nice sweet friend, Jim, but while with him, my heart was with Temi. At this point, I felt this wasn't ordinary so I prayed about it but the feelings did not die and I got more frequent calls from Temi. I saw myself drawn completely back to him and I left Jim (foolish move, but I did not want to settle like most girls, because I want to change my last name.) With Jim, I knew I was only settling because I desired more.

We became cool friends (Temi and I) again and we talked about nasty things and did the picture thing again. Then he asked me to come over, yes I went.

There I was on his bed feeling fulfilled like a fan would be, if she had a one on one closed door opportunity with her favourite opposite sex celebrity. Guess that's how Tuface became "Father of All Nation." We kissed and got intimate but no penetration. I tried to adjust for it to enter, but he always pulled back. I agreed to his moves completely, and told him all the nice words I could remember. I smiled afterwards; guess I was feeling good to have the opportunity. We cuddled and slept. Hours later he dropped me off at home, and we never spoke about that day.

I came back to my senses after having a therapeutic session with Me, Myself and I. This guy definitely had remote control to my heart which I didn't know. So I took another bold step, called him and said, "...You know what? You just cannot keep playing with my heart like it is a toy so please Temi; I can no longer be your friend." It was easy for him to respect, since I heard from a reliable source that he now has a girlfriend, who obviously is not me. I had lost. All hopes, attempts and desires; gone with the wind.

All the humiliation and going extra mile to please him are all over. Finally I have been delivered. Judge me not. He who has not sinned should cast the first stone. Not till you wear my shoes, you won't know exactly how I felt or the reasons behind my actions.

Please I need your advice: what should I do because it’s really very hard for me to even date someone else. I still have feelings for Temi