POLYGAMY PART 4

This is close to Auntie Vivian’s experience but in her case she didn’t have a child. It was one of the best families I’ve ever seen. Her husband was a homely person. He seldom talks and accepts everything. A prayerful husband; respectful in all his doings and relationships. We all loved him until the cat was let out of the box. Uncle Henry had two families. One was with Auntie Vivian and the other was that useless lady called Salome. 

Auntie Salome was Auntie Vivian’s closest friend. All the way from primary school through university they were close. They shared everything they had to the point she started sharing her friends husband.  Immediately she gave birth to the first child she disappeared into thin line. It was the third child who was a boy that broke the camel’s back. Auntie Vivian was driven out of a home she built herself and her supposed best friend took over. I told myself this will not happen in Jesus name.

Nosa! I thought to myself. How on earth would Nosa be having an affair with my husband and I didn’t know. Could it be that Rotimi was under pressure somewhere to have a male child? Could it be that he never loved me and our daughters? It was unbearable in thought. I couldn’t hold it and the fear of an external person joining us in this house became scary. I held my peace a little, with tears rolling from both eyes but I had to call. I would make the call from the phone and check her response. I scrolled to baby and dialed the number. It rang all through with no response and then I knew Rotimi would have told her not to pick any call from that number. The number called back and I picked to hear her voice. 

Nosa: hello dear, I’m still sleeping. I didn’t hear from you again yesterday. I was about responding when the line went off. 

There is a problem and the earlier I solve it the better. I called Rotimi, his number was busy. I called Nosa, her number was busy also. It is obvious she is talking with my husband at the moment. The stay at home became agonizing to me. I picked up the car key and off to Rotimi’s office I went. It was the security man that told me I forgot my slippers. I walked back inside to get slippers. 

I sat inside a car and composed a message to Rotimi. I’m on my way to your office and please prepare an explanation for me on what you and Nosa my friend are doing. The delivery message popped up before I started the car. It was the point I was at the point I navigated into the express road that my phone rang. It was Rotimi and with a subtle voice he was asking me, what is the meaning of the text I sent to him? In all anger I shouted at him and lost concentration. The accident was recorded as one of the most fatal accidents in history and when I woke up three days later I saw Nosa and Rotimi standing beside my bed. I saw love in their faces and within me was hatred……..

POLYGAMY PART 3

The Ojekunle’s family accepted me with all happiness. There was always this look of heaven sent whenever I met an uncle or aunt. I thought I was the happy person; but I discovered the family was happier than me. They have always prayed for Rotimi into meting a good woman and suddenly I fell into that position. I loved them too and one thing I was sure of was; I was gone from that terror mansion I grew up from. 

With Lois starting crèche today I knew for the first time I would be having some relief. Even when Lena is in school; Lois wouldn’t let you sleep else she is sleeping. I thought I was going to build my home with domestic aids but Rotimi didn’t permit that. I had to do all the work myself. But he helps sometimes though. Now the bags were packed and all set for school. Their father was dropping them off but I would go and pick them when it’s time for closing. I kissed my daughters and wished them a lovely day in school as I helped them into the back seat. I could imagine the stress their dad would through this short while he was dropping them off. As I watched the car drive out of the gate I started feeling lonely. 

My daughters had become my life. I could see who they would become when they grow. I gave them all the love I never had. There was no exposure to hatred or tribalism inside the same house. They were best of sisters to themselves and lastly they were brought up in the way of the Lord. I walked into my room to arrange what the room always becomes after Rotimi dresses. A normal routine when my husband goes to work. From packing the clothes hung on the wardrobe to the arrangement of shoes etc. it was in the process that I discovered a phone in my husband’s suit pocket. I knew he would be coming back home. He can’t go to work leaving his phone at home but to my surprise it wasn’t his phone. Where did he get a phone from I wondered?

The phone beeped for low battery and at this moment I started scrutinizing the contents of the phone. From supposed trips that were lie to meetings that never existed. Many revelations came from the content of the phone. It was message twenty four that got me off the hook; the scan result is out and the doctor said he’s a boy. I know he’ll look exactly like you. 

I rushed to my phone to dial the number of the idiot that sent this message to my husband and start that war that will stop any other woman from joining me in this house. What I ran away from in my father’s house is becoming of me in my husband’s house. I won’t permit it. I was praying and cursing whoever was part of this. I suddenly could not locate my phone in the house. I always forget where I kept it based on the children. Most times I hide it and this time around it was in the kitchen. After a while I got to see it. 

Settling down in the sitting room I slowly got the number out and pressed the dial button on my phone and the name it showed was Nosa Ighiehon………………………………….. my best friend!!!

POLYGAMY PART 2

As you have known the kind of background I had; then you can feel with me the trauma of growing with rivals in all things. This created a subconscious fear in me all the time. I was scared of sharing whatever I had and I was too conscious of many things. I felt nobody could love me thus I wasn’t ready to give in to anyone. I’ve lived with people who don't show any form of love apart from good morning, who don't wish you happy birthday, who don't show any form of happiness at your success, who spoils what would be passed down to you, who transfers aggression for the minutest act from you. If there is something called hatred and you need to know visit my dad in his house. But the irony is he never worries himself.

I didn’t know much about the other side of life until I met Nosa. Nosa is an exact opposite of me. She hails from Edo state and life in her house is a lot more interesting than mine. We were both in geology and with the kind of background she had, success wasn’t that difficult. The only problem with Nosa is that she loves sex. She introduced me to the balance of the body structure with a little bit of sperm in it. It was with her I first tasted alcohol also. Nosa had a limit which I didn’t have, because once we are on holidays she is also on holidays but as for my house there is no holiday. If you like don’t come back home from school, “you are on your own”. All blames go to the mother. 

NYSC sent us to Port Harcourt and the one year was a teaching experience. I was getting better in socializing but I wasn’t ready to share Nosa with anybody. She was all I had. She had shown me love more than any other person in this world, thus she always wants to get me hooked up with a guy to distract me, so that she could go on with her sexcapades. We just wrote the Chevron interview and we were waiting for a taxi. She met a guy at the venue who later we knew was a staff. 

Rotimi is an example of a father to your children. He was clean and cream. He looked like a movie to me; a peculiar approach and for the first time I was interested from the depth of my heart. We’ve agreed on six pm to meet at a lounge at old GRA. Nosa is always the one to follow but for this day I was going to play a fast one I thought. When we got there they were already there. The reception was excellent and they addressed us like we were oil workers also. I was the happiest person that night because with a job in an oil company, it means I’m never going back home again. We played till late in the night and confidently I got drunk. I told Rotimi everything about my life and what caught my attention was how he was attentive. He was so interested in the bitter life I lived and it was the next morning sunlight that welcomed me back to life. 

I had coffee and club sandwich and instantly my heart cursed the family I grew up from again. A part of me advised me to ask him if he would be my boyfriend as fast as possible but the other cautioned me. I held my tongue back a little but I didn’t hold my body back. We spent the whole day together before he told me his life history. 

Rotimi became an orphan at the age of two. He was taken in by his uncle who works in the United States but his family lives in Ibadan. His wife was an example of a witch with behaviours ranging from starvation to poisoning. They had two daughters and because everyone had started calling Rotimi the first son in the house she became jealous.  He had to sleep outside the building many times till a particular day his uncle came back without notifying his wife. His friend had reported the issue to him. Rotimi just finished his secondary exams then. When his uncle came, he was fully down with cold. He could not even stand up to attend to the man. The uncle rushed him to the hospital and from that hospital, the later part of his life was spent in Oklahoma.

In his words: I totally understand what pain is my dear. And I’ve sworn to help whenever I can to anyone in pains that are unexplainable. Tears started rolling down my eyes as for the first time someone agreed with me in what pains could be. He held me close and fell on my body. He whispered them slowly but I couldn’t believe what I just heard. I pushed him up a little as I looked straight into his eyes. He said I’m serious “will you be my girlfriend”.

My name is Laide Ojekunle and this is my story……….

POLYGAMY PART 1

Is it really impossible for men to have one woman and not pursue another outside? Is extra marital affair not an impractical phenomenon? What desires do they, when they leave their wife they have suffered in building their entirety with, and profess that same act of love to another woman. And stupidly we believe. There are two forms of polygamy. Firstly, is the marriage of one man to more than one wife and the second is the marriage of one woman to more than one man. The first one is called polygyny while the later is polyandry. I was raised in a polygynous family. 

I wondered what the women were looking at, marrying my father. In this my own generation he wouldn’t even pass for an Aristo. His old pictures had nothing fascinating and he wasn’t a political office holder. All he did was to farm in a large cocoa plantation his father gave him as inheritance. He was a major supplier of cocoa for Cadbury in the late sixties and early seventies, and in return they packed bournvita and small amount of money for him. Instead of saving and building a good family; he kept on marrying. Education was a quarrel; thanks to free education, I would have been in one village decomposing. 

 My mum is the third wife out of four wives in a marriage I’m suspecting there would be a fifth even though my father is quarter to death. The level of insecurity in the family is higher than that of boko haram in the north. We all grew up without emotional and financial security. In a polygamous home there is nothing like a fatherly care. All you have is motherly care and step mother’s extreme hatred. It could pass sometimes that you feel the whole family is on a row to a better shore but just an opposition from one of the quarters’ spring out the devil within. Mysterious failures in school and sicknesses that even pastors can’t cure have all arisen in my house. Two of my siblings have died mysteriously and the second wife has a wound that wouldn’t heal even when she isn’t diabetic 

Care is a thing I never understood. Many a times I get introduced to my brothers and sisters. Some look like armed robbers while I can swear some are prostitute. Once you can come back and give my father ten yards of Ankara native wear, one bottle of gin and an envelope; you’re his favourite for the next one day. Just be rest assured your name and picture has been sent to the spirits of confusion by other wives. Polygamous homes create an in built hatred and fear. It causes insecurity and low self esteem. You’ll live to always protect what you have because you know another person might be introduced. You become stingy and the fear of tomorrow is instituted in our minds forever. 

It’s only Islam that gives room to a man to marry more than one woman and the religion states clearly you must love them equally. Christianity and even the Court frown at it, but as for my irresponsible father; he is both a traditionalist and a Baptist. This conflict of these religions is imminent even in our house where you see brothers and sisters fighting like its America against Afghanistan. Love is an erroneous belief in that home. There is no marital satisfaction in a polygamous home as women become subservient to their husbands as child bearing tools. Sometimes my father believes we would be helpful in his cocoa farm that’s why he officially knows he has twenty three children. Sleeping with four different women consciously and we think we are fighting sexually transmitted disease. We are just wrong. 

My story is weird and wild. I suffered what you all enjoyed. And my advice is; it’s better to die single than get into a polygamous home. Some people feel there is an advantage it possesses. If there is one you know please let us know before I start my story ………

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THE GIFT AND THE GIVER PART 3

Thomas Paine is Femi Buju’s friend. They have the same behaviours and they look alike.  Both have the masculine built and a sleek look like a child groomed in the Buckingham palace. They speak only Queen’s English but they are both from Ilesa in Osun state Nigeria. Femi was a year my junior in the university thus when I met him at Transcorp I knew I’ve seen this face before. I really came to buy ticket for my boss that day for a flight to Lagos the next day. I saw Femi wearing a short in a hotel lobby like he lodged in a Hilton hotel. After the salutations we proceeded to the tenth floor and there I met Thomas Paine. 

I’m Thomas; Thomas Paine he said. I’m Fred…… nice he said and we continued at the balcony as we exchanged cards and greetings. I heard a voice call Thomas from the room but the noise we were making didn’t allow him answer on time. This made the woman come out all wrapped up in her duvet obviously with nothing underneath. Thomas wanted to use me as an excuse thus he introduced me to her. This is my childhood friend; his name is Fred. We schooled in U.K together then, but while he was in Manchester, I was in Newcastle and this is my baby Madame Aminat Danjuma. The skill was perfect and I had to play along. Suddenly I became someone else and everything was going on as he wanted.  He continued the introduction till a point he walked back to the balcony and jumped at me like I needed the play as he said…..  Fred you know what, my sweetheart has gotten someone for you and they both would be expecting you later tonight. Go get that your shit done with the chairman and be back bro. he gave a tap on my shoulder and with a $1000 handshake I was on my way downstairs. 

Femi continued to explain how they have to live this kind of life based on the hardship in Nigeria. They have deluded themselves into someone else. Fred make I tell you “I don’t even know who I am again”. I can be the child of a king tomorrow and next I’m the heir to the throne of the great Mali dynasty. Now to these women I’m chief Igginnedio’s son. I know it will be over soon. I tried to advice him but it won’t come out. How can you advice someone that paid you your two months’ salary for a ten minutes visit. With $1000 in my pocket I forgot what my boss sent me. I needed to close on time and resume at Hilton.  It was when the security man opened the gate at my office yard that I remembered I forgot to buy the ticket my boss sent me. But to lie wasn’t a problem anymore.

That same woman is now my supposed girlfriend’s mother. Good morning ma. Good morning dear how are you? She said and the greetings followed suit. She asked if I have ever met her before and I answered I can’t place it too but it seems the face is familiar. She tried to remember until she asked me if I knew Thomas Paine and with a feeling of trying to remember I said yeah. I don’t forget faces she said and she was happier knowing me before. She walked close to me and gave me a hug. The daughter asked her: mummy who is Thomas again. Hmmmm, my dear that was my former boyfriend but no longer. He was cheating with Alhaja and I’m not ready for all those troubles. She stood up and her daughter followed as they laughed inside the room after a Hausa joke.  This moment I knew I was about getting into some troubles.  

I had to wait another forty minutes for Marian to get ready and off to work we both went. Should I tell her the truth about her mum? Does she know her mum sleeps with young boys? The thought roamed my mind a while until I decided I was going to tell her the truth. 

Marian see: your mum was having an affair or so with a friend of mine and I didn’t know you then. I bumped into them when I went to Trancorp Hilton to book a flight for my boss one day, but she thought I was also into those kinds of things. I don’t sleep with married women for money and I promise I wouldn’t try it at any time. Although I was told to come back later in the evening but I didn’t go.

She got angry and told me to stop the car. I did and looked at her in surprise as she stepped out. I came down and she crossed the road. She stopped a car and off she went. I’m late for work; I’m with the office’s official vehicle, I’ve lost Marian based on what I just said and now I’m in hot soup.

I picked up my phone and called Rachel again, and this time the number was not reachable